we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
