Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
