Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
