doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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