Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
