I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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