My Higher Power is John Stamos
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize