so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
