I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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