yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
