Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
We smell like vodka and hangover
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