I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
