We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
