She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
