can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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