I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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