he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Randomize
