my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
