Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
