doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
