That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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