so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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