If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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