they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
