I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
