Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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