So drunk its hurt
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
