You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
