We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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