I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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