so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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