Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
