I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize