Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
