there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
