I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
