The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize