So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
