I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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