I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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