Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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