OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
