Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So here I am, sexting at work.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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