I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
