fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
