I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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