I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
