paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
