i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
