Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
sarcasm needs its own font
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
