Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
