is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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