We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
