Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Did I show you my penis last night?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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