is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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