i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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