She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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