i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
