lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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