I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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