My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
