So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
