Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
