i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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